The Posture to Learn

I started my practice experience at St. Anthony’s Medical Clinic on Friday morning.  I was not able to officially start because it was an orientation and info session as to what I will be doing.  When I entered the clinic, I was surprised.  I had only been contacting my coordinator via email, so I had never actually been in the clinic until then.   The clinic is one floor and tiny but comfortable enough that it won’t feel too crowded.  No one had visited the clinic that day, so it felt emptier than I expected.  I felt like it was going to crowded and somewhat hectic. When I realized I was surprised, I thought about what my expectations had been. Had I expected to see numerous patients? Had I expected the clinic to be larger?

In retrospect, I did expect the clinic to be smaller and I expected the patients to come nonstop.  I was making so many assumptions on how many people needed health care, and how many people were actually willing to seek it.  It’s sad to know that even though we try to keep an open mind as much as possible, there are always these subtle assumptions we don’t realize we’re making.  There is always going to be something we won’t understand, or something we haven’t considered because it’s impossible to know everything.

Somewhere along the way, as I emerge myself in a different culture, I know I will mess up. I’ll probably say or do something to offend someone because I didn’t realize the impact of my actions/words/thoughts/etc.  No one wants to acknowledge that they messed up, that they didn’t think it through, that what they did or said wasn’t out of line. It’s easier to ignore it and move on with your life. Sure, maybe no one really cares what I said.  However, forgetting to repent for what you did contributes to a system (a system of power, privilege, oppression, etc) that actively ignores its own flaws. Failing to recognize and apologize for the offense you’ve created means you become a part of a system that refuses acknowledge its inequality.

With that being said, I believe that entering a new space with the posture to learn is the most important mindset.  In order to do the work I do, I must accept the fact that I will most likely make a mistake or incorrect assumption, but this discomfort is where change can happen, it’s where learning happens. Apologize for the offense, hold yourself accountable, learn from the experience, and use it to make better choices. As I continue my work at St. Anthony I must learn to be comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable.